Monday, September 1, 2008

A Letter To My Annoying Husband

Dear Texan Papa,

Now that I have been married to you for a full 10 years, I have learned a lot about you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And after 10 long years I have realized a few things about you that I just feel I can't keep in any longer.

1. It is really annoying that you are so good with money. You have never had any credit debt. That is because you INSIST that we pay off our credit cards in full every single month. I just hate it when I whine and pout to get something that I really really really really want, and you go and tell me something sensible - oooohhhh - like, "Maybe with our Christmas money" or "We can't afford private school tuition AND that."

2. Getting into a fight with you is really hard. When I get mad at you, you pull the whole, "I'm not going to fight with you when you scream at me. We have to talk like adults." C'mon, hon. When I get mad, I get really really mad and I expect you to stand there and take it. I'm not saying I'd take it if you were yelling at me, but you know how I am.

3. I HATE that you are usually right. About whatever you're saying. Because I can be sure that if you're not right or not sure, you won't say that you are. So when you INSIST that Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia did kiss in Star Wars, when I'm sure they didn't, I don't press my luck. Instead, I go get the DVD and watch the whole thing. I haven't done that one yet so I'm hoping this will be the one time that I actually am right.

4. And what's up with this boring, dependable, predictable job that you have? I mean, where's the excitement in waiting for you to come home from work and wondering, will tonight be surf & turf or beans & rice? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you're pretty much immune from being unemployed, being in the ministry and all, but I know I'd feel a rush if I had to scramble to figure out which bills to pay and which ones to ignore. Okay, go ahead and GO TO WORK if you have to.

5. And come on, in the looks department, shouldn't you have gotten less attractive by now? We're both in our mid thirties. Shouldn't you be getting a beer belly or wrinkles or at least gray hair or something? Oh, sure, you may say you've lost a lot of hair on top, but now that you've got the whole Michael Jordan look goin' on, well, you've got it GOIN' ON! When people say, that is one good-looking preacher! I don't know exactly what to say.

6. And on the subject of looks, how come you don't care what I look like? That line you've got, the one you've told me since we got married, "I didn't marry you for your looks." Am I supposed to be fooled or something? Do you really just love me for what's inside? Well, plan on me testing that theory because so far the gym hasn't had any effect on my love handles.

7. And I hate how paranoid you are. You are always all, "Watch the kids! Something bad could happen to them!" and "No she can't play at that girl's house. We don't know her parents yet." and "Yes, Texan Mama, the kids have to wear their helmets EVERY time they ride their bikes/skateboards/roller skates." Being this careful is a major inconvenience for me. Don't you know how to live life in the fast lane every once in a while? And besides, why else do you think they have pediatricians in the ER?

So, I guess I will just have to put up with you for a while, since you are always telling me divorce will never be an option for us. Whatever problems we have we will work them out. Geesh, now there's no hope for me to get rid of you. I guess I can handle it. I will manage somehow.

Love, Your Texan Mama

**author's note: My husband is the most wonderful guy on the planet. Every day with him is better than the last. I'm very lucky. Fortunately his favorite way to show his love to me is through sarcasm. So I'm just giving him what he likes! :>)


Bridge said...

This is lovely. Your a good wife.

Carol said...

Nice post. About #3, sorry, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek for luck. I tell my hubby that we can't ever split up as it will be too hard to decide who has to take the cat. And, the training program to break in a new guy would be too painful!

Pinky said...


Anonymous said...

Well Hellfire

If I would have known that was all the better I was doing annoying you I would have stepped it up a long time ago. And to think you are stuck with me. I remember the first time I told you I was going to marry you and You laughed. Whose laughing now! Me, laughing at how great I made out with such a wonderful wife, laughing becuase I have such a great mom for my kidlings, laughing because you actually get along with my mom. Laughing because all those teachers used to say I would amount to nothing and look at me now. I have amounted to a Husband that can joyfully annoy his wife. I have amounted to a Dad who can joyfully annoy his kiddos. I have also had a blog written about me. Look mom I'm in the big time now. Your right your stuck right were your are. And I am not foolish enough to let you loose. My life... I don't hate it! Annoyingly Yours
Texan Papa

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Sweet tribute ;)

Baby Favorite said...

That is so sweet! And right up my alley. I love sarcasm, too.

BTW, we just celebrated our 10th anniversary, as well. :)


Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Actually about #3, she kisses him right on the lips in front of Han Solo to bruise his inflated ego in the Empire Strikes Back - towards the front thrid of the movie. I have seen all 6 episodes about a zillion times.


3 Peanuts said...

This is both sweet and entertaining.

Carol said...

Oh if he loves sarcasm he'll have adored that no end.

What a wonderful husband you have.

Carol said...

Oh if he loves sarcasm he'll have adored that no end.

What a wonderful husband you have.

The White House said...

What a sweet post- and cute family! Happy POW!

Debbie said...

Awww. That is so sweet. I love the way you told this!

texasholly said...

Super sweet. The nerve of him. He is really out of control with all the good ideas.

Thanks so much for linking!

Kikit said...

I enjoyed reading this post. You're a sweet wife. I'm still unattached and I wonder if I can be as sweet as you in the future. :)

Christina said...

Just discovered your blog and love this letter. So sweet and funny! :)