Friday, October 31, 2008

Back to Life As I Know It

Me & my gal-pals relaxing on Captiva Island
(I'm the one in the white t-shirt)

Ah, I am finally on my way back home to DFW. The week with my gal pals was SO relaxing. We did 4 days of the pool & 1 day of the beach. I got a Swedish massage and my friend got a Himalayan Salt Scrub (for exfoliating, I guess). We ate out twice and spent one afternoon at the outlet mall. I am very sad that the week is over, but I am also excited to get back to my family. Texan Papa kindly reminded me that I will feel relieved to get home and get back into the swing of things. He has left lots of dirty laundry and dishes for me, you know – just so I don’t have a hard time with re-entry. Gee, thanks.

So, sitting here in the airport, I am wondering if I am the only person who thinks it’s really strange when an airplane is ready to be boarded (boarded? Shouldn’t there be a past-tense for that? Like, bred? bore? Eh…) and there is a HUGE line of people waiting to get on? I’m all, WTF? It’s not a cattle call people. You know where you get to sit – it’s not like the first 25 people in the door get a plasma TV. Plus, once you get inside the door, there are a host of wonders that await you inside the cabin: B.O. of 100+ people, all contained in one air-tight spot; un-plush seats covered in scratchy fabric or cracked pleather; airplane fans that blow out stale airplane air; and the line! The waiting! The wondering, “When in the hell is this crazy old lady gonna get her clearly-too-big carryon into the overhead bin and just SIT THE HELL DOWN?

Yet this whole time I’ve been typing, while waiting to board my flight to Dallas, the crowd continues to stand around, looking like deer in the headlights. They are clearly chomping at the bit to get inside this flying germ tube, why I don’t know. Sure, it’s fun to fly. The novelty of it, for a person who doesn’t fly very often, is quite exciting. But once on the plane, I’ve never been treated to a free margarita or a big party. I mean, heck – they don’t even give ya free peanuts anymore.

“Group 1, you may board the plane now.” This is the beginning – everyone tries to scam their way onto the plane. The old guy at the door to the jetway who scans the barcode of the boarding pass, keeps saying “I’m sorry sir, this is only boarding for Group 1. Dumb-ass. Can’t you see the giant NUMBER 1 on your boarding pass?” Okay, that last part was implied by me, but I’m sure the old guy was thinking it.

I want to stand at the front of the line, climb up on a chair, and start screaming like a mad woman “What are you people, stupid? Once on the plane, it will just be more waiting. More squishing. And, I sure hope you like having your personal space invaded because you are about to get into a serious elbow-brawl with the person or persons in the seats next to you!!!”

Okay, I can see the herd is thinning. I think it’s time for me to get myself onto the plane. I have already picked out who I hope will be my seat-next-door flight partner. Maybe it’s the cute twenty-something girl who has a nice shade of lipstick. Maybe it’s that forty-something business guy who will surely spend the whole time reading the Wall Street Journal and I won’t have to talk to him. Not that I mind talking, but inevitably when I tell people I’m married to a pastor, the religion talk comes out. “What do you think about homosexuality?” and “My pastor is a woman. Does your religion have women pastors?” and “I quit going to church. I believe God just wants me to be happy and I didn’t like church. I can worship anywhere.” OKAY…. Well I am not even going to get into those questions. Usually, I just nod and say, “Oh, so you’re from Denver? Do you like the Nuggets?” or “My husband always wanted to be a pastor but I always wanted to be a teacher. I teach math.” I try to get off on a tangent and steer the conversation away from religion. My daddy always told me that the subjects for polite conversation must never include politics or religion. And, being the sweet girl that I am, I oblige. I’d much rather talk about E. Coli. Or global warming. You know – something warm and fuzzy like that.

9 comments:

Scary Mommy said...

Welcome back!! I so agree about boarding planes-- WTF? You're on it for long enough!! And, Captiva is my FAVORITE place on earth. We go once a year and I never want to leave!

Dorsey said...

Hubby's in no hurry to board the plane when he knows that he'll be in the same spot for 14+ hrs. ugh!! I always LOVED flying and don't get to do it enough these days, ah well. But indeed people should pay more attention to their passes and just chill out. hehe

Eudea-Mamia said...

Sigh - Captiva - Heaven on Earth. We haven't been since the big Hurricane Charley in 2004.

How does everything look? Find any incredible shells?

Hope the plane ride went well, no one asked you any assinign questions, and that there really aren't that many dishes in the sink.

Em

La Pixie said...

glad youre back & you had a great time.

yeah, I dont like when people ask me touchy questions and then get POed with my answers, so I try to just avoid all that.

The Nice One said...

Glad to have you back!!!!!!!

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Warm & fuzzy, that's funny.

Okay, I am one of those people who has to get on when she's told her group is boarding. I'm a rule follower and I hate waiting and I have an irrational fear that the plane might unexpectedly take off without me.

But I'm not weird about it...

(So glad you had good girlfriend time!)

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I so miss Ft. Myers--we always go to the Pink Shell :)
Is that where you had the massage?

I hate airplanes for the reasons you mentioned.

Rhea said...

I'm with ya, no need to hurry up and sit on the plane. I hate being trapped in places, be in crowds or stuck in long lines waiting. You have the right idea!

I'd get sick of talking about religion all the time too, I think. :o)

Natalie said...

dfw is my home too! hummmm...now i'm wondering if we work out at the same 'silver's gym'