Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I hate myself right now.

At this very exact moment that I'm typing, my daughter Peppermint Patty, in the 3rd grade, is having her first ever musical concert. She is playing the recorder. And I am missing it.

No, not because I have to work. No, not because I have some other appointment. I am missing this concert because I just didn't want to go.

The concert started at 12:30. Baby Sally's nap time is usually about 11:30 or 12:00 'till about 2:30. That's the time when I get some REAL work done - you know, the kind where I don't have to also clean up the mess the baby is making. I swear, while I clean up one huge disaster, she's off making the next one! Plus, I am already going up to the school (1/2 hour drive each way) to pick them up this afternoon, and I dropped them off this morning, and we'll go there tonight for the Advent church service when the kids will be singing. So, 3 round-trips (totalling about 1 hour each), plus missing my prime cleaning time, plus dealing with a tired cranky baby during the music concert? Uh, no thanks.

And, I'm not just doing my regular old daily cleaning. My in-laws are coming to stay for the weekend, arriving tomorrow. Also tomorrow, I am having PP's Girl Scout troop and parents over to my house for the Brownie Investiture ceremony. So, cleaning? Times one thousand. And me? already running on no sleep. Can we say, make Christmas Cookies in the shape of a maple leaf for Canadian Christmas party? Can we say, finish a dozen loads of laundry? Can we say, inability to pull one's self away from computer for one frickin' minute...

So, I recognize all the awesome things I'm doing for PP this week: coming to Christmas party at school on Friday. Making 3 types of foods for her party. Actually being her Girl Scout leader. Having Girl Scout ceremony at our house. Watching her sing tonight at church. So, missing this one little thing, why should I let it bother me?

Bottom line: I keep thinking - kids want my time, not maple-leaf cookies. Kids want me there, not a carpet without stains. Kids want me to see them and be proud of them, not an empty laundry hamper.

Ah, life happens, doesn't it? Still searching for the balance....

18 comments:

Loralee Choate said...

I think you're being way too hard on yourself, but I also get it. I think every mom does.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

If it's not too late - go to your grocery store and search the cookie isle - around here they have maple leaf shaped cookies.

AND

I hear you about cleaning. mr. B is coming this weekend and everything needs to be PERFECT... goign to stop at the store tonight to buy LOTS of caffeine to keep me going....

Jess said...

My heart goes to you!! I'm feeling and have done the same thing.
I just want to tell you, YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Jess, thanks - don't know how awesome I feel but it's so nice to hear it from someone who doesn't rely on me to feed and clothe them!

MeadowLark said...

I feel bad for you, but can I add a task to your plate? Cookie recipe when you have time, because they sound delicious!! Just on one of those days where you're doing nothing but lolling around eating bonbons. ;)

Aleta said...

This posts reminds me of the emails I've received that go something along the lines of, "I'll learn to care more about hugs than household chores. I'll stop and smell the roses instead of rushing places." Etc. I think there has to be a balance, but it's not an easy thing to do...

Every Day Goddess said...

Oh wow! I am so impressed with all that you have going on!! You sound like an awesome mom, nothing to worry about if you miss one concert in the whole week of activities. I totally understand not taking baby during nap time, that is torture for yourself and poor baby girl!

Every Day Goddess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
E said...

It happens. The nap time cranky baby was probably the clincher. And everybody who has ever had more than once child understands that dilemma.
In a whole childhood. So if you are almost always there, that is what she will remember. She will remember that her Mommy was present. Happy healthy kids from loving families don't get stuck on one afternoon.
And of course you are right, nobody really cares about the carpet. You won't remember that the carpet was clean when you look back on this holiday either.
But you will remember all the snuggles. So go have a whole bunch of those....

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I get it - the feeling torn between things that technically don't matter but emotionally do (cleaning falls into that category sometimes).

For the record, I'm impressed with the Girl Scout leading (tried it, kinda hated it) and the maple leaf cooking-making - along with the thousands of other things you do during a day.

Blessings :D

Jen said...

please don't hate yourself. I would have done the same thing. Nap time is so precious. You NEED to have it.

texasholly said...

ugh. I just don't think there is a solution to all this when you have more than one child. There is definitely give and take and alot of compromises.

sassy stephanie said...

My middle had a thing today at school where her kindy class sang for the first grade. I didn't go. I join her for lunch as much as I can, volunteer in class, and will be attending her class party tomorrow. My thing is, how do working parents attend all of this crap in the middle of the day??

Carrie Thompson said...

I think it is fine to let go of the guilt. I think that your heart is right and your daughter will understand that at some point! Maybe not today, or even tommorow but someday! I think we all need to LET GO OF THE GUILT!

anti-supermom said...

Hey, are you trying to be supermom, because you know that I'm anti-supermom?! What is important is the lifetime, not those particular moments that just didn't work like you thought they would.

Guilt be gone :)

Eudea-Mamia said...

Hugs - forget about it all, and enjoy tomorrow.

There isn't a night I don't go to be feeling like I failed my kids that day in some respect. There isn't a morning I don't start with a prayer for patience and wisdom.

Bottomline, kids are resiliant - Patty probably didn't give it a second thought.

Ask around - betcha there's probably one or two parents out there that might have taped it. Or better yet, don't.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I agree with Texas Holly. I think as they grow older, you will get torn more and more with having to choose which activity to attend. It is a part of life for parents. There is no wrong or right answer. But you are right, kids care way more about our time than our appearance. We could learn a lot from them.

PLUS... I gotta say it...I WARNED you this blog this was addictive - WAY addictive.

KEEP BELIEVING

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

It's tough to get the balance down. And, if you're busy? You're busy. She'll understand.