Sunday, January 11, 2009

Girl Scouts are the Spawn of the Devil

Every year at about this time, millions of Americans make New Year's Resolutions. Probably the most commom resolution: to lose weight and get in shape. Fitness centers are flooded with new memberships and department stores sell out of exercise balls, yoga mats, and Denise Austin DVD's.
And, right about the same time, another special event is happening. Millions of Americans participate in this ritual as well:

The consumption of Girl Scout Cookies.

Why do the Girl Scouts insist on scheduling their annual sale to coincide with the one time of the year Americans are cutting out desserts en masse? I would argue that it might be prudent to plan the cookie sales a little later... like early March. We've already given up on our resolution to lose weight, all the Christmas goodies have long since been thrown away or gone stale, and we're past the Valentine's candy but not yet upon the Easter candy.

Gosh, writing this makes me realize, isn't it sick how we have turned almost all of our holidays to revolve around candy? Think about it: Valentines, Easter, Halloween, Christmas. Even at the parades for Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Veterans Day, tons of candy is thrown out from Fire Engines and decorated floats. But, I digress.

Girl Scout cookies are our Achilles Heel when it comes to dieting. They provide those irresistable cookies that are exclusively available once a year. And, if we don't buy from the little girl knocking at your door RIGHT NOW, who knows when we'll be able to get our fix later? Yes, there might be a few Brownies outside the Wal-Mart on Saturday, but it's just a gamble we're not willing to take. The pressure is just too intense. And, the thought of going a WHOLE year without Girl Scout Cookies... missing the chance to crumble up some Thin Mints on top of some ice cream... not dipping the Caramel DeLites (aka Samoas) into a cold glass of milk ... it's just too sad to think about. Better order an extra box. Or two. Or nine.

18 comments:

Chris said...

If I were you, I'd go hide!! In about a week you're gonna have a buttload of ticked off ladies commenting & emailing to tell you that had you not posted this, had not put those delicious cookies in the front of their minds, had not made them wish they had a box RIGHT NOW... they would not have just bought 10 boxes and ate 3 while they typed their letter to you. Hide woman! Hide!!

Scary Mommy said...

Ugh, I hear you. I've been known to eat an entire sleeve of Samoas at once. Damn them.

Mrs. S said...

I LOVE girl scout cookies...I have yet to see them in my area...where are they??

Heather said...

Huh - up here, GS Cookie sales are in the fall. Our neighbors' daughters delivered our boxes the week of Halloween. Because, you know, nothing goes with buckets of leftover Halloween candy like a sleeve (or six) of Thin Mints. :D

Ryan Ashley Scott@Opitimistic Cyicism said...

I don't think it matters when they hold their once-a-year sale. As long as it's once-a-year, we're going to feel like we have to hoard them for a cookie hybernation. It's a conspiracy!

Robin said...

Lets just be glad they are only available once a year! I don't think I or my waistline could handle more then that!!

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

i don't love girl scout cookies. how can I be American?

KEEP BELIEVING

Nicole O'Dell said...

I agree with some others, I really don't like them. :( I think they are way too small and too expensive. I can do much better for my $$$ at the grocery store.

Now, I've never tried the thin mints on ice-cream...that could change my mind completely...so I won't try it!

sassy stephanie said...

I can say, I actually don't have a big prob with the GS cookies. I'm not the biggest fan. I usually buy a few boxes out of guilt and send them with the kids to school.

Anna See said...

Love them. I've already ordered more than 10 boxes from my daughter. Aargh.

E said...

Evil hint...

try the thin mints with eggnog. Oh My God

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

@ryan ashley scott - if it isn't a conspiracy, it's been orchestrated at the highest levels. I believe there is no limit to their deceptions... (mwa ha ha - evil laugh - ha ha ha)

@robin - yes, once a year, that's part of the marketing scheme. They are very wise, those little green and brown ladies.

@sassy - your power with the force is strong.

@E - luckily, I don't like eggnog. Or else I'd be about 30 lbs heavier, as I DO love the couch.

Colored With Memories said...

i hope they knock on my door soon...i love the thin mints.

glad i found your page. fellow texan mama here...former lutheran too!

Bridgett said...

In St. Louis, we start Saturday. Yippee. I do like samoas, but for the most part, they're too chemical tasting for me...

I'm always shocked when people will buy like, 30 boxes, from my daughter.

Debbi said...

I think Americans have the worst of it-- Girl Guide cookies in Canada come out TWICE a year-- Once in the spring (April) for the chocolate/vanilla sandwich type, and once in October for the chocolate/mint type.
(which, I hate. Chocolate and mint are nasty)

So we don't have all those 'cool' flavours t choose from. We just get fat TWICE a year on monotonous-flavoured guilt-ridden cookies!

Jen said...

I am under the impression that it is impossible to open a box of Thin Mints and just have one or two cookies. No, I open a box and suddenly the box is gone. I have no idea how this happens. Evil, just evil.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I distinctly remember the year I ate an entire box of Thin Mints at one sitting, because I'd given up sweets for Lent and my reward at Easter was to go mad.

Natalie said...

that is one big pile of girl scout cookies in your picture. yum! i just love samoas or caramel delights or whatever they call them. yum.