Monday, May 4, 2009

Purpose

Why do I write a blog? It is the question every blogger asks himself or herself at some point.

In the beginning I think I had a desire to talk to someone, even if that meant a voiceless, 2-dimensional online community. The people were still people and responses were out there.

But I realized, over time, that my real reason for writing is that I desire with every ounce of my soul to have some sort of impact on a person or on the world. I want to say something witty that a reader repeats and says, "This was just SO funny. I read it on Texan Mama's blog." I want to write something that makes a difference. I want someone to think differently about his or her life because I have maybe given them a new perspective. I want my words to conjure up memories that have long since been forgotten or pushed down beneath the drudgery of daily life.

But here's what my blog usually consists of:

Blah blah blah
not-very-funny joke
blah blah
complaining
blah blabbity blah blah
self-criticism
a photo or two
and, finally, a lame attempt to wrap up the post with some witty ending

I have long ago given up on making a difference in anyone's life, barring my own children. I do realize that I have a huge impact on their lives. And, in theory, they are the ones that should really matter and the impact I have on strangers shouldn't matter at all. But it does. But it just seems like facing every day, knowing that I'm just another mom is NOT enough for me. I am not looking to be Martha Stewart or ... some good example of a perfect mother. The pressure would be too much. But the idea of being just average seems very deflating to me.

I think it's normal to want to feel like my life has some meaning. I don't want to just be a ...

what's the word I'm looking for?

a nothing.

I don't want to be insignificant. I think lots of people understand what I mean.

So, I continue to blog. Hoping against hope that someday I will say something and then someone will say, around the water cooler, "I read the most interesting thing on Texan Mama's blog."

Again I will say, in theory, I know I am important to someone. I know I make a difference to 4 small people. I hope I make a difference to one very kind man. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing a crappy job 95% of the time that I feel I want to matter to people I'm not going to disappoint on a daily basis.

Okay, so once again, this post has lived up to its expectations: blah blah blah.

Thanks for your time with me today!

8 comments:

Kikit said...

Making a small difference to 4 people is more than enough.

I also asked the same question to myself and made a post about it. Please check it if you have time. :)

McVal said...

I'm struggling myself to just make a difference in my husband and kids lives as well.
I find your blog very interesting! Don't sell yourself short! I've found from your blog that you believe just about the same things in life and America that I hold dear. So it's interesting to hear what others of like minds write about. It doesn't have to be witty or outrageous, altho you are at times.
I basically treat my blog like a diary. So this is kind of sneak peak into other peoples diaries to me...

Christine said...

I love your blog because you are insightful and a fun read. It makes you a very real person, and relateable. Making a difference to anyone is better than no one at all, and keep writing even it is just to amuse us masses. I always feel the same about my stuff too that I just end up sounding whiny, and complacent or insincere. I think it is just the self doubt in all of us.

J said...

Well you know I think one other good reason for you to blog is that, if anyone else is like me, you readers probably find themselves saying "oh, I feel that way too! I never thought about saying it that way, though.." or "Well, now I know I am not the only one who thinks that...". I think those moments are equally valuable in helping us feel not alone!

Swizz said...

You crack me up! As a Texan that has been transplanted to Atlanta, I feel your pain.

It's funny, I think I blog for some of the same reasons you do (and many others do as well)...I love to write, but I definitely want people to READ it and to feel connected. It's not about the comments, although I absolutely adore comments, it's that same thought that maybe, just maybe, someone will do the water cooler thing. And then we'll know about it in some random fashion.

I just saw your twitter, although I don't twitter, about wanting people to call YOU and not you having to do it all the time. AMEN!!! Sometimes we go weeks without doing anything with people because I get so tired of always doing the inviting. Is it THAT hard for someone else to pick up the phone, text, or email that they are going to the park? Really!?!

Enjoyed your post and intend to follow your blog now! Especially since we will be moving back to Tejas very soon!

Jennifer said...

Awwww sweety. I love you and you make a difference for me. Every morning I log on to read and I get SO disappointed when you have posted. Every day I'm like "what is Texan Mama up to?" So you make a difference to me.

Anna See said...

I blog for fun and feedback. I know what you mean about trying to make a difference, especially when we feel as if we are doing nothing, nothing WELL.

You are making a difference to those people in your family and to those of us who read your blog.

Jen said...

You do matter to me and I can so relate to you. And I have said, "I this thing on Texas Mama's blog...."