Monday, May 18, 2009

Surviving

Well, just wanted everyone to know that I have not fallen deep into a well of depression. I have just been busy... trying to keep myself busy and trying to actually accomplish some things around the house, so that my anxiety can maybe be managed!

I've been realizing that I need to quit feeling like it is my responsibility to do everything.

I am beginning to understand that if some things don't get done, what's the worst that can happen?

I am starting to trust that people will not yell at me or quit liking me if I don't do things the way they want them done.

Basically, I'm beginning to feel less tiny. Which is strange, because if you knew me 20 years ago, you would never have described me that way. You might have used words like "feisty" or even "intimidating". But time and a desire to be accepted has changed me. Too much, I'm finally realizing.

I am trying to find some middle ground.

6 comments:

Wendy said...

I've been going through something similar, though maybe for a little longer?

I just finished reading an amazing book that I'll publish a review on when my site comes back up (doh! I forgot to pay for my site before I left town! oops!). It speaks to this, to loss of self in marriage, and to re-finding it. I had begun to feel like being a good mom & wife meant that the real me had to be stuffed down inside.

I'm starting to see that this is no good at all. It kills your marriage, it impedes being a good mom. Trying to follow some pre-stamped outline of what it means to be a good wife & mother leads down a long road to serious depression and anxiety.

Feeling tiny in marriage is a fate worse than divorce. But it doesn't mean the marriage has to end to find yourself. Making yourself tiny for the sake of the marriage makes the marriage die, however paradoxical that seems.

(Get a copy of "Passionate Marriage". Read it!)

Jennifer said...

You are worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worth it.

("It" being whatever you need it to be.)

Email me if you want to talk. I'm at the computer all day, every day.

sassy stephanie said...

I love middle ground. Recently found it myself and learned to love it and learned it IS enough.

Ask this of yourself:

Is my family fed?
Are my children cared for?
Is everyone safe?
What is more important for my children to remember as adults: time mom and dad spent with them or how spotless the house always seemed to be?

Cut yourself some slack and learn to love it!

Jen said...

Good for you. I learned this a long time ago. You just can't do everything. So what if the toys don't get picked up at night or the dishes are not done. You have to find time for yourself and not feel guilty about taking it. It is a hard lesson to learn but you will get there. I know you will.

Christine said...

You should come to my house, I am the queen of putting things on the backburner because I decided a long time ago that my focus was my husband and kids....who technically want the same thing in their own unique ways.

Time

So if I give my husband quality time in the evenings, and the kids quality time in the afternoons....then don't sweat the rest it either happens or doesn't because I am content

E said...

And besides if you don't take a few hot baths,., do a little shoe shopping or find a good woodsy walk and neck with your husband by the side of the trail, you won't have anything left to give all of them.
Kids don't remember clean perfect houses. But boy they surely remember happy loving moms.
You are wise Mama....deep breaths and dim lights....