Thursday, November 5, 2009

Baby #1 vs. Baby #5

Compare/Contrast what it's like to have your first child vs. having your fifth child

Baby #1: Read all the parenting books you can lay your hands on.
Baby #5: Read lots of Erma Bombeck and say a lot of "Yeah, been there, done that!"

Baby #1: Take classes on child birth, breastfeeding, and infant massage.
Baby #5: Get a massage.

Baby #1: Research the experts' top choices for strollers, carseats, and baby gear.
Baby #5: Dust off the carseat and stroller, using a blanket to cover the sun-bleached fabric.

Baby #1: Pack a hospital suitcase with nursing pajamas, makeup, and a cute post-delivery outfit.
Baby #5: Pack your purse with make-up, because the memory of post-delivery photos from babies 1-4 are just too awful to repeat.

Baby #1: Can't wait to take your new little dumpling home.
Baby #5: How long can I stay here in the hospital, while people bring meals to me in bed and will happily take a crying baby away into another room?

Baby #1: Tons of new baby booties, baby hats, baby outfits, and diapers.
Baby #5: Stop at Wal-Mart on the way home from the hospital to buy diapers.

Baby #1: Everyone must stay back 10 feet from the baby for the first 2 months, to avoid contamination of the sterile "baby area".
Baby #5: Have a baby-welcoming party the first Sunday afternoon after the baby is home.

Baby #1: Agonize over the perfect name.
Baby #5: Pick the name once you arrive at the hospital. Change your mind after delivery.

Baby #1: Capture every momentous occasion on video, in pictures, and recorded in a baby book.
Baby #5: Document important events on the calendar, next to "PTL meeting 6:30"

Baby #1: Use only bottled nursery water for formula, organic baby food, and sterilize every bottle after each and every use.
Baby #5: How soon can I start solids? And by solids, I mean, Kraft Mac 'N Cheese?

Got any more? Share 'em!


Em said...

The picture, yes the picture!! Surprisingly, my second was just as bad as the first - and I had a scheduled c-section. Prepare!!

BTW: If you can swing it, you shold totally spring for a new stroller. There's this new kind making the rounds that is so thin and light and still carries the carseat carrier. Yes, I get stroller envy - only because I have a permanent lower back injury from having to swing that damn Graco up into the SUV.

Anyone else want to go in on a class action?

P.S. Erma Bombeck is my hero.

OHmommy said...

OMG the kraft mac and cheese sent me screaming with laughter. SO funny.

Jennifer said...

This is hilarious. And makes me so glad that I don't have five kids.

Foursons said...

Oh yeah. Erma Bombeck is amazing! I love her writing! And you hit the nail on the head with this post. Love it!

Bridgett said...

You've covered it. I'm only on #3 but I have realized I just can't care about all those details anymore. My pet peeve: socks. Babies hate socks. So stop telling me his feet are cold.

Small Town Mommy said...

I may be the worst mother ever, but this was the difference between my first and second children. I don't have the intensity to keep up that pace.

Jen said...

This is perfect. But started this stuff with children 2 through 4.

blessedintexas said...

Love it. I think all moms can relate!

Frogs in my formula said...

This post was so funny. Love the Mac 'n cheese comment.

anymommy said...

So freaking funny!!

Michelle said...

What a cute list! Too funny!