Thursday, December 3, 2009

Being a Grown-Up

Sometimes it just sucks being a grown-up. And, so often, I wonder if I'm actually a grown up or just a child with a few extra years under my belt.

Last week I sat soaking in the tub when I suddenly heard one of my children yelling, "MOM!.... MOM!.... MOM!.... (do you guys know where Mom is?)... MOM!" And, instead of being a responsible adult and getting out of the tub, to explain (all while using my inside voice), "honey I'm in the tub right now and I can't talk"...

instead of doing that I just ignored the yelling child. Because, frankly, I hoped he wouldn't find me and he'd abort his search mission.

Lately I have been avoiding things so that I don't have to face them. THAT seems pretty immature to me. I will not pay bills until the very last minute. I don't return phone calls, I don't check up on deadlines, and any important papers that come into the house go into a wicker basket, then a plastic box, then a big cardboard box, until I can't ignore the papers anymore and I go through them. Usually by this time, I've missed a deadline for something fun or an event I wanted to attend.

The simple daily distractions are making me stomp my feet and say, "NO I don't want to deal with that!" Or, when I've really had enough (like yesterday, dealing with my arch-nemesis - a.k.a. the dental insurance company) I will throw a tantrum and yell and scream, hoping to get my way. Of course, it's all just a futile attempt. It's about as productive as a 2-year-old lying on the floor, kicking and screaming for another piece of candy.

But last night, after I'd seen just one too many homework papers left unfinished, tripped over one too many shoes in the middle of the floor, asked my husband to just put his shit away one too many times, I felt my soul shrink a little bit. I just don't want to be a grown-up anymore. I want someone to grab me and hug me and say, "Oh, don't worry. It will be alright. Let's have a bowl of ice cream."

Some days, getting to be the person who consoles and offers the bowl of ice cream to a child who needs it... some days that's rewarding. But today, I just get to miss those long-gone days when someone would do that for me. If you have a special someone who lets you escape being the grown-up, count yourself lucky.

12 comments:

Stephanie said...

I absolutely agree!! Some days it's just all too much. It cycles...some months you will be on top of it all...others, things may just fall to the wayside for a while. I am in a totally different position. I am 25, no kids...but here I am in Brazil..married..and some days I ask why??? Why didn't someone tell me (of course they did) not to be in such a hurry to get to "grown up" levels. I miss going home to momma or to daddies. Not to say life isn't great and that I'm not grateful for all the blessings I have...some days you'd wish life would just quite for a moment and let you breathe a little! Anyway sorry to write a book, just wanted to send some empathy your way!

Foursons said...

I hear ya. I've been flying by the seat of my pants lately. Sit down with that bowl of ice cream in a locked room and ignore everyone until you've licked it clean.

Bear and Bones Mama said...

I've offer you a bowl of ice cream if I lived closer. Some days (weeks, months) are harder than others. At least you didn't yell and scream and lose it. Yet :-)

You are an intelligent, beautiful, accomplished woman with a lovely family. You help those of us out here with your writing that you don't even know.

And you have a great haircut. I mean, you got that going for ya.

Mommymel said...

Ben and Jerry were definitely calling my name today from the Food Lion shelves, so I hear ya. The only reason they didn't come home with me is because I knew they'd melt in the car on the drive home. Sad, another painfully grown-up decision.

Living It, Loving It said...

I could so relate! It is hard when your life is busy and you take care of every one. Quite often, I am so stressed out, I want to cry like a baby. That is the life of a busy mother. It is not fair, but that is the way it is. Our husbands are small children and we are the only parents our children have. :(

And I have done all those things - pay the bills late, miss deadlines, shouting from the bathroom to be left alone, ignoring my family and even hiding from them. :(

Jennifer said...

Pfffttt. Dental insurance. What a joke. I took Baby Girl Tuesday and it still cost me $200. That's a lot of money. So frustrating.

And I know what you mean about wanting someone else to step in. David is usually pretty good. But I go on strike when they push me too far, and that helps too.

The Hutton Family said...

I really needed to read this today. I'm glad that I am not the only one that feels so overwhelmed being a mother. I definately have those day where I want to hid and have a moment to myself but then I feel guilty. It makes me want to go back to the days when my mom took care of me and my only responsibilty was to have fun and maybe some homework and clean my room. Don't get me wrong I am very blessed to have beautiful happy children that make me laugh everyday and a loving husband. It just tough being the one incharge all the time!

Anna See said...

i wish i could scoop you up some icecream and a hug right now. my specialty is at least 6 scoops.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

When we were in high school, and you were trying to ask for forgiveness or cheer someone up, you used to make everyone chocolate chip cookies and get a funny card about farts or boogers or losing virginity. That always made us all feel better. And laugh. I hope that thought can carry you through today. Even back then, G, you were the grown up helping out others first.

KEEP BELIEVING

Mama Kat said...

And it doesn't matter how much running away or putting off or procrastinating we do...it's all still sitting there and building up and waiting for us.

Man...being a Mom sometimes sucks. Blogland loves you! Try to relax, focus on your family...everything else is trivial.

Oh and pay your bills! :)

Deb said...

Wow. I was having this exact kind of night yesterday. For days, sometimes weeks, I have almost no motivation to do all those grown-up things (do just the bare minimum) and then feel horribly guilty. My husband is a kid at heart, too, which is infuriating at times, but very comforting when I need it.

Adjusting to having a new member of the family is hard! Good for you for giving yourself a well deserved break.

Sturgmom said...

You're still in the middle of a really big adjusment with that little one. Even though you've done it 4 other times before, I don't think it necessarily makes it any easier.

Cut yourself some slack. Parenting is hard- sometimes it's easier to be lazy and ignore what's in front of you. We all do it. And sometimes we need the easy way!