Thursday, January 21, 2010

Back in the Saddle Again


I'm back to my old tricks again. As I sit here and type, Violet is asleep for the first extended period in I can't remember how long. And by "extended period", I mean that I'm not holding her and she's not in her carseat and we're not snuggled up together in bed. I mean... I am actually doing something without her attached to me. This adjustment period - when the baby has to learn to sleep on her own, or else cry after 5 brief minutes of slumber - is my signal loud and clear that I am too damn old to have any more babies. Actually, I'm not too old, I'm just too damn broken. My back hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my neck hurts... and I'm only 38.

I'm 38. Today. That's the same age my mom was when she had me.

This makes me really sad, because I realize that my kids will never experience my parents as "fun grandparents". My parents are already showing their age (at 76 and 75) and the future isnt looking up for them (healthwise). I wish my kids could know my parents and enjoy them, but deep down I know that tmy kids will have the same relationship with my parents that I had with my own grandparents: distant, boring, and filled with memories of sickness and hospitals.

So, onto happier thoughts.

I have decided to start a 365 project, thanks to the encouragement of Pauline. I've decided to begin on my birthday (what better day to start, right?) I know very very little about my camera, but I'm going to try to learn. I have already signed up for a photography class! I've signed up for a Flickr account and I think I'm going to display my photos there. I'll put a widget in my sidebar so y'all can take a peek, once I've uploaded my first few shots.

Also I've decided to stretch myself creatively, with the encouragement of Lou. I have truly enjoyed blurting out my thoughts and feelings to you unsuspecting folks for the last 18 months. I'm going to continue to do that, but I'm also going to hone my writing skills. I can't make any big promises that my efforts will reap anything worthwhile, but I'll let you be the guinea pigs. I'll be doing some 100 word challenges, writing prompts, and other things like that. I'm so nervous that I think I'm already breaking a sweat. See, if I never try, then I never fail. But if I try, and fail, then I just have to own my suckitude, and that ain't pretty.

So, here's to a year of growing, learning, and hopefully less dishes to wash.


Jess said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday! And I know what you mean about being 38 and a mom to young kiddos. It is hard. Last night David and I realized that we will be old grandparents and that really sucks.

Emily said...

Happy Birthday!!! And congrats on starting a new project. Hopefully Violet will start sleeping enough to give you time to take them and edit them. :)

Sturgmom said...

Happy birthday! I hope it's a great one!

ANd on the grandparent thing, I don't think there's any guarantee you'll be a sickly, distant grandparent. Jason's grandfather was vibrant and full of life into his 90s! My parents (62 and 67) act much more like "old people" than Jason's grandfather ever did.

Enjoy your new projects. I think everyone needs a creative outlet of some sort.

Bear and Bones Mama said...

Happy Birthday and good luck with your project! And good for your to do something for yourself.

I'm going that too, but differently. In December I hired a personal trainer to officially kick my butt. And he is. HARD. I'm not trying to look like I did at 17, I just want to feel good about my body, feel strong, have fun, live longer, and not get hurt like I did this past summer with a broken hip. That stunk.

Anyway, you go girl. Make it happen.

Sugar said...

Happy Birthday, Texas Mama! And go on with your bad self and start those projects! You can do it! And more sweet stories about Violet please. We all love the babies. :)

Anna See said...

Happy Birthday!!!!

Not sure why your posts aren't showing up in my google reader. arrgh.

Foursons said...

Oh, if you figure out that dishes thing let me know your secret!

Happy, happy birthday to you!

Good luck with all that you endeavor to do this coming year.

Dalia (Generation X Mom) said...

I just found your blog on SITS. Really like it and will be back. Moms and grandparents come in all ages these days!