Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dear Diary

I love to look at my old journals from high school. As much as I like to purge myself of anything nonuseful, I can not allow myself to toss out the record of my angst-ridden teen years, as preserved on the pages of a journal with a padded red cover and a picture of a scottie on the front.

If I weren't so damn lazy, I'd climb up into our attic and dig out that scottie-journal. And if I did, I could share some of the entries verbatim. But, since you are subject to my laziness, I will have to paraphrase:

Dear Diary,
I am soooooo in like with Mike. He's just so cool. And he smells nice. But why do you think he doesn't talk to me when he sees me in the hall? I mean, we totally macked last weekend. I know I was a little tipsy on those Matilda Bay wine coolers (yummy!) but I really do like him!

Dear Diary,
I am to psyched that I am going to Trisha's house tonight! Her parents are away so we're totally going to sneak out and stay out all night! We'll have to walk to the Pump 'n Pantry to get smokes, which sucks since I don't even smoke. But I'm not going to complain cuz I don't want Trisha to hate me.

Dear Diary,
I don't know what I'm going to do.I just want to die. That stupid bitch Theresa is spreading the stupid rumor about me again. People are calling my house late at night and laughing and hanging up. Mom and Dad are getting really pissed off. I want to be the bigger person and just ignore it, but it's kinda hard when no one believes me. I just want to cry. I want to skip school but I know I would get caught and then I'd get kicked off cheerleading (or at least benched!) or maybe even get suspended.

Unfortunately, I never did a great job keeping a diary. I don't know what it was about writing in a journal, but I always seemed to lose momentum after a few days. I'd always have about a week of entries, then life would get busy, or too boring to waste time writing about, and I'd quit writing. Then I'd get caught up in some serious high school drama, and I'd be scribbling down my thoughts once again. But I think the one thing that kept me from getting hooked on journaling was the idea that I was telling my deepest darkest secrets to a fake person. I never understood the purpose of sharing and explaining myself to... myself. I felt like I was telling a story so I'd include phrases like "Remember when..." and "So, I know I didn't write about thisbefore, so I'd better explain it now..." WHY? WHO NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND IT? THE PERSON WHO ALREADY EXPERIENCED IT??? It seemed like a huge waste of time and a sick desire for writers' cramp.

But I think blogging is different. For me, it's about 25% journaling my life, and about 65% connecting with new people and building relationships. The other 10% is for honing my mad writing skillz, but I can't comment on that - I know I've written a lot of blog posts but sheer volume of words does not make a better writer. So anyway, I blog because I like to do all those things.

Or, maybe I'm just an attention whore and I love all the comments. Who knows.


Jennifer said...

I never kept a diary. Like you, I kind of thought writing out MY thoughts to ME was kinda dumb. Besides I'm not really into self examination.

Anonymous said...

I have kept diaries all my life but it never failed that I would miss a few days and get frustrated and quit.

Blogging works a lot easier for me because I can type out my thoughts, which hurts a lot less than all that writing, and I can start entries and put them on hold (which I can't do in a diary).

Monique @ Blogging MoRe

Sugar said...

Everyone loves your blog, I'm certain! It's so entertaining and so hilarious. Plus I need all the advice on motherhood I can get. And hey---whatever happened to that Theresa bitch who was spreading rumors?! How old is Violet? My sweet Caroline is 16 weeks old. Babies are just the best!

Sturgmom said...

I do not claim to have writing skills, so that may be part of why I have 5 readers, but I don't read other blogs for the writing skills, either... I read b/c I enjoy!

I think there is DEFINITELY a community that you can build with blogging that makes it more fun than just journaling!

Foursons said...

I'm an attention whore too. But you're exactly right about blogging- it's the comments that keep us going. I never made it far in my journals either.

You need to link this up on Friday with my Letters of Intent- I think they're great! Exactly what every HS girl feels.

Anna See said...

i agree completely! i've never been a journal writer b/c it was like writing into a void. i thought that's what blogging would be like, but it's not. thanks for being an important reason i write! xo

Jen said...

I have to say that I like blogging b/c I like writing, the connections and I am totally an attention whore. ;)

Wendy said...

Blogging is instant feedback, I've figured out. Writing without instant feedback is harder once you've gotten addicted to it.

And it does hone your writing skills. Words on paper are words on paper & the more you do it, the better you get at it.

I did the same thing, only journaling during a crisis. Except my crises were largely family-created and I had to write in code & then tear it all up.

Bah, how sad. I make a point not to read my daughter's journaling when she does it (she is nearly 9) so that she will feel free to write down whatever she wants & not feel so self-conscious about it.

Emily said...

I was never a diary person. Even now I cannot keep a record of my kids, etc, despite the fact that I seem to think I want too. For some reason though I can blog. It must be the attention thing for me too. :)

Kristen said...

I have started and stopped so many diarys that its almost funny. I had such good intentions with each one, but alas...I stink at consistency. I have gotten better with my blog, I have like 5 posts for Jan already! YAY.
Keep up the good work, you crack me up most days. Other days, I just feel your pain!

Kim Hosey said...

I've been a writer all my life and have never kept up with a journal or diary. You're right; it really is about connecting with a community of people. I was just saying that to my husband, how my blog has let me connect with so many people. It's pretty cool.

In the same vein, I'm happy to have found YOUR blog. I'll definitely be back.

sanjeet said...

I have kept diaries all my life but it never failed that I would miss a few days and get frustrated and quit.

Work from home India

LceeL said...

Don't you DARE tell me you're not a good writer. :)