Saturday, March 13, 2010

Answers for a Marriage

Some days are better than others. The bad days should not outshadow the good days. The reality of marital imperfections is present, but doesn't need to be examined under a microscope. A daily account of gestures, glances, and casual comments, is not an accurate barometer for the long-term health of a marriage.

I do have a voice. And it isn't quiet. It only feels quiet when I'm afraid that someone will disagree with me. But it's not the end of the world if someone disagrees with me. It's not my job to make them happy, or calm, or satisfied. If I can't remember that, I need to remind myself more often.

It is possible for me to be in a good mood regardless of my spouse's mood. Sometimes a rift in our relationship will be my fault. Sometimes it will be his. Sometimes we will both have to own it. But if we intend to stay together for the long term, there's no point in keeping a tally sheet.

I have good in my marriage. There is love. There is respect. There is trust. No, there isn't everything, but what in life does have it all? By expecting everything and wanting everything and mourning the lack of everything I only tear my marriage down when I should be building it up.

For better. AND worse. And everything in between.

**Thank you for all your wonderful, sweet comments. I read every single one. I cried a few times, and I thought, and I reflected. And I listened. You are all very smart women, who I am blessed to call friends.**


Foursons said...

I love your new perspective today. One day at a time sweetie.

Frugal Vicki said...

Great perspective today! Some very good points!

Gigi said...

Marriage is a day by day commitment. And not every day is good. And not every day is bad. As I said before, marriage goes through phases. If you expect that - then I expect you can deal with what it throws at you. I'm so glad to see that your perspective is focused on the positive. We are here for you - when you need to vent or to rejoice. And Gretchen? You are a beautiful person, a wonderful wife & mother. And I'm glad to know you.

Jennifer said...

Some days are good and some days are bad. The trick is to forget the bad ones and hang on to the good ones.

JHS. said...

Glad you are feeling better about things!


Wendy said...

And.... yep, you're right. Nothing much to add.

It's so hard sometimes, would be so easy to just give up. But when we don't give up, every now & then we get a moment of total blessing, where we see what it's all been for.

I wish you more moments of total blessing -

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Marriage is not for sissies!!! we all have those days we just want to walk away---but it is always the brightest after a storm :)
Have you done the 'Love Dare'--great book and has things to do every day for 40 days!

Emily said...

I just read this and the post below it. I was asking myself those same questions about a year ago. It's tough to feel like way and wonder how you got there. I was thankful when I finally laid it all out to my husband. He was so receptive and it was during that time I realized that all marriages are filled with ups and down and when you realize you're down work harder at bringing yourself back up. Praying for you...