Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Judgy McJudger Pants

I was watching a video over on Momversations - a video where the Momversationalists ask if the Duggars have too many children? You know the Duggars - the family with 19 kids and no end in sight? Yes, that family. And I have one thing to say about that:

Please, Michelle, don't ever show us your stretch marks. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO.

There's also the Octomom, who captured the nation's attention when she doubled her family size in one day.

Then there's Jon and Kate. Or just Kate. Plus 8.

Then there's me. And you. And the local PTA president. And our daughter's Girl Scout Leader. And that mom in the checkout line at Kroger's, trying to just get out of the store with dinner supplies and her sanity in tact.

We are all moms. We all have our good days and our bad days. It just sucks that if Kate Gosselin wants some alone time, everyone screams that she's abandoning the kids!!! If I want some alone time, I get 3 friends who invite me to hang out and have margaritas.

My point is this: why are we wasting our time judging these people? Wouldn't our time be better spent taking care of our own inadequacies rather than pointing out everyone elses? When we judge women, whether they're on a reality TV show or they are in the next minivan over at the traffic light, does anything happen? Does our opinion change them somehow? no. Does it help to make them better parents? I would guess not. Does it make us better parents? I would venture to say no.

Maybe it makes us more aware of what's going on. Maybe we take note and remember the next time we are faced with a similar situation.

Okay, hold up. A similar situation? Are any of you going to have 19 kids? Or 8 babies all at once? Or twins and then sextuplets? I know I'm not! God help us all!!!

These families are great for entertainment purposes. But that's where their influence should end. We should consider their parenting techniques and decisions as INTERESTING and leave it at that. They have situations that are so unique, there's no way to compare their parenting choices to our own. They are not role models for anyone else, unless you plan to have 6+ babies all at once. Then, go ahead and judge all you want. You'll deserve it after the stretch marks you'll be getting too.

And, please, don't show us yours either.

Texan Mama


Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

Nicely said. In the long run, all we want as parents is to do our best, whatever that might be. Everyone has different values, morals, and beliefs on how to raise kids. None is better than the other (unless your kids are brats). My personal goal is to hope my kid turns out less screwed up than me. :)

Visiting from SITS.

Kirby said...

My husband works where the Duggars go sometimes to get there eyes checked and he said they are the most well behaved kids..Thats great considering I only have 3 and they are hethens! Having 19 kids would be a nightmare to me! I dont think we should judge other moms either for getting on to their kids and wanting alone time for themselves because we do it too, they just choose to do thiers on t.v.

Jennifer said...

You know how I feel about this. It drives me insane when people get all judgey about other people. I think we just do it to try to make ourselves feel better about our own inadequacies. I'm not sure it works.

LceeL said...

Who are we to judge? We are the people who, indirectly, pay their salaries. We are the people who buy the products that support their existence on TV.

And they put themselves there on purpose.

They went "HEY!!! Look at me."

Now. If they expected a silent and non-critical audience, they were sadly mistaken.

If they GOT a silent and non-critical audience, they'd be off TV.

I have no judgments to make about the Duggars or any other of those people you mention. Except Octomom - because she was News. More or less. And as for that opinion, I'll gladly, as always, keep it to myself. But as for the others - I don't watch or care about them and what they do. I don't usually pay any attention to those who jump up and down yelling "HEY!!! Look at me."

I can find plenty of people worth looking at all by myself, thank you.

Like you, Gretchen. I found you all by myself.

I think I'll keep you.

Lindsay said...

LOVE this post!!!!

nicole said...

You are pretty on target here. I will only say that if people write books about their life/parenting then they are opening themselves to criticism. As a mom of many, I hate that the Duggars are judged strictly on the number of kids they have, but I guess I'm just too close to the issue (not in numbers of course).

Frogs in my formula said...

I showed Chuck a picture of nasty stretch marks I found once when googling "stretch marks" (big mistake) and I swear it's why he won't have more kids. They looked like lion claws.

Great post. Why DO we judge so?

Bridgett said...

Conversationally, celebs put themselves out there and I will tsk at them. I don't, however, tsk at the mom of 7 or the mom of 8 or the mom of 8 and she really wants one more that I know personally. I might think the whole idea is nuts, but I have friends who freaked when I got pregnant with #3, so what do any of us know? If the family is functional, who cares?

Maggie S said...

Famous for her fecundity... Really we are a weird little culture after all.

Elaine A. said...

I think you said it really well but I think it's also "human nature" to wonder about people who do things that are somewhat out of what most consider "normal."

And yes, please - no stretch mark showings!!! ;P

Gigi said...

Oh please no stretch mark comparisons!!!

I try really hard when I'm out and about not to judge other moms (I'll admit sometimes a judgmental thought may cross my mind occasionally - I'm human). But for the most part I have empathy for other mothers - they are doing the best they can possibly do at any given moment.

With that being said, if you are putting yourself "out there" and starring in reality television - you are going to hear criticism - is it right? No. But it's going to happen and you'd better have a tough skin because a lot of people aren't nice.

Meagan said...

Wow, I'm glad you wrote this post. It is so easy to judge people on tv that we don't know.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Amen sister.

Kristy said...

Well said! I whole-heartedly agree. To each his own. And thank god it's not me with 10 kids or whatever it is. (and I really do think that Kate G. may have been judged way too harshly with her choices/parenting.) You can't believe everything you read.

Melani said...

Great post. I know I am judgemental at times and I really try not to be...I will leave it at that.