Monday, October 11, 2010

sadness

I am so sad.

I'm sad that people who don't even know me hate me. Not in the way that I am worried how they might feel. In the way that they've told me, "you make me sick".

I'm sad that my opinion gets turned in to hate but other people's opinions get turned in to justice.

I'm sad that I was naive enough to believe that a mature, respectful post would garner mature, respectful comments.

I'm sad that I've hurt people who either didn't understand what I was saying, or have been so hurt by other people in the past that they just can't be open to hearing what I had to say.

I'm sad that people made generalizations about what I think and feel, assuming the worst of me.

I'm sad that now I believe that I can no longer speak my true feelings on my blog.

I'm sad because now, more than ever, I see that shutting down my blog is a real possibility.

I'm sad because that will mean that they've won. And I'm sad that it will mean that they've successfully beaten me down.

I'm sad because I know they won't care.

And I'm sad because the bullying and hate they claim is so detestable is exactly what they've done to put me in this place.

If you don't know what in the hell I'm talking about, trust me: you don't want to.

Texan Mama

40 comments:

GunDiva said...

Don't go away!!!

Especially if you feel like you're being bullied. Then they win.

Really, there are those of us who are with you - if other people don't like what you have to say they can just unfollow and leave the rest of us to enjoy you.

Melinda said...

I'm so sorry this is happening! Bu I agree with GunDiva...don't let the bullying get to you! I really, really enjoy your blog and I would hate to see it go. And, those who feel the need to bully you on your blog will eventually find another target.

On the unfortunate things about blogging is that so many readers seem to forget that real people are the ones writing the posts. They feel that they can demonize someone and it doesn't matter because, well, there probably isn't a "real" person behind the blog. They are, of course, wrong.

handstowar said...

Seriously... DON'T QUIT!

There are some real idiots out there that ooze stupidity. You're not one of them. You're not one of them. Obviously the person (or people) that are affecting you this negativly are one (or some) of these idiots.

Don't let the idiots win!!

If you need me to break some kneecaps... I will.

Seriously though... EFF whoever is giving you a bad time.

misssrobin said...

I am truly sorry for the pain you have experienced due to the unkindness of others. People strike out when they are hurting and it stinks when you are punished for someone else's offense or because they don't agree with you. Some people look for things to be offended about and nothing you say or do will stop it.

I read what you wrote. I read how you responded. I believe you were honest and respectful. I also saw that some others received it as such. Unfortunately, not everyone is at the same place in their journey. Some have chosen to stay in a place of pain where they are the victim.

You know what your intentions were and what is in your heart. When they strike out at you, please remember that it is not about you. It is about them and their issues. That's what striking out is about -- being upset that something did not turn out how you wanted.

I would miss you if you left. That said, listen to your heart. Do what you need to for yourself.

My heart and prayers are with you tonight.

peddlerofdreams said...

I don't know which post you're talking about, 'cause I've just stumbled upon your blog recently (from the Flipper tribe over at SITS), but I do know that there are a lot of opinionated, rude and obnoxious people out there. Don't let them get under your skin...but at the same time, do what you think is right for you. Hugs!

A.Marie said...

People who choose to leave nasty, hateful comments on someone's post are cowards, if you want my honest opinion. It is too easy for them to sit safely behind their computers and say whatever they please with no recourse. I read an online article that suggested the hateful commentors are the uneducated percentile who speak before they think. It kind of makes sense.

Whatever the reason, I think the online world needs to turn over a new leaf and start to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Don't let them run you off. I enjoy your blog and would miss you if you went away!

BlessedMomof2 said...

You are just as entitled to you opinions (&feelings) as they are. Do not let another's insecurities & issues determine how or what you write.

Melissa said...

Well you know my feelings on the matter ;-)

It sucks, and I agree that the people being intolerant and bullying are the ones accusing you of the same thing. It's the pot calling the kettle black and it sucks.

I think there are far more people who know you for who you are and who respect you for having your opinions. I think the ones that don't are just louder and you shouldn't let the shouting voices overcome the quiet ones in your life and heart. The ones that may not be loud, but are constant.

Jen said...

I am sorry that you are sad at the hands of mean people. That is just not right.

Oh and show who is being mean to you, let me at them. I totally got your back.

Our views may differ but no one deserves to be disrespected because they believe in something different.

Love ya, turd. :)

Prairie Mother said...

I read what you wrote and thought it quite eloquent. It's too bad that there are people who can't as be mature about their opinions as you were. Don't let the bullies get to you. There are more out there who support you than who are against you. Chin up!

Julie said...

Your blog = your space. I'm sorry that others can't respect you, your opinions and the parts of your life that you choose to share.

They choose to visit you... and they should not control you or what you choose to talk about. I'm here for support... in whatever it is.

((HUGS))

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Please don't go. Let's talk?
oxo

jerseygirl89 said...

You can't leave right after I've discovered you. :) Before I read all the comments, I remember thinking how much I appreciated blogging because we are so different politically/religiously but we are having the same issue as parents and I thought it was so cool to discover that commonality. You have to do what's best for you and your family, but I hope you don't leave.

Connie W said...

Hi! New here...from the flipper tribe!

I just went and read the post you are talking about. And first of all, I want to commend you for being honest and real. I'm like this on my blog and it gets me into trouble but at the end of the day...I was ME, no one else.

Swizz said...

You know how I feel.

Just remember...they are being INTOLERANT in the name of TOLERANCE.

Ironic, eh?

I've been learning a little bit about finding my acceptance and significance not in others, but in the FACT that I am a child of God. Remember that YOU are a child of His, and at the end of the day that is all that matters. This, too, shall pass away and we will be left with a special relationship with our loving Father.

**Hugs**

Karen said...

Don't let them win! You voiced your opinion and they need to respect it. It is their problem not yours. You worded your post eloquently. You are a wonderful and kind person. Don't let them get you down.

StaceyC4 said...

Some people just seem to LIVE to leave nasty comments. I know, they've visited my site, too. I find it funny how they seem to want their opinions heard and want others to agree with them but don't think that we, the writer, have the right to do the same. I've had people tell me that I'm wrong to feel the way that I do about a certain situation and I have felt like you, ready to quit. DON'T! Be who you are, write what you want and eventually, they'll go away. If they don't, "Delete" is a wonderful tool!

Jennifer said...

First, I can't believe that Connie just found your blog because I've been reading and commenting on hers for a long time and vice versa. Anyway.

You know how I feel. Put the past behind you. Move forward with a new day and be proud that you stood by what you believe. It is easy to stand up and shout what you think when everyone agrees with you, but it is a lot harder when you know they don't.

The only person that loses by you walking away is you (and those of us that read and love you, but you know what I mean).

Gigi said...

I'm sad that you are sad. Unfortunately, there will always be those people that can't disagree respectfully and have to be hateful - particularly if they can hide behind a screen (or screen name).

Please don't quit - then they win. We need more people like you on the web.

And if you don't quit - please don't feel that you have to quash your true opinions. Because they are your opinions and you have the right to express them. But you don't have to accept bashing on your site - there's always room for respectful dialog but not hatefulness. xx

lessonsinlifeandlight said...

Hi there! Oh my, so much to say.

1. I read the post I know you're referring to along with probably 75% of the comments. From MY perspective, the majority of the comments were actually pretty tame, although definitely rooted in pretty stern beliefs (that obviously conflicted with yours). I think those harsh ones just stick out to you more because they hurt.

2. I actually totally disagreed with your post, lol. Although I DID understand it. As someone who spent her last year in college researching and writing a term paper about how being gay is NOT a choice (and I'm straight), I feel pretty strongly that I know what I'm talking about. I feel the "choice" issue was really the root of a lot of comments.

3. This is YOUR space, whether people agree with your beliefs or not. Don't take down your blog. The ones that come by because they're looking for drama or want to say hurtful things aren't even worth listening to.

I just feel bad that you're hurting. Try to be strong and know that this will all blow over. Someone else will come along in blog-land and piss everyone off again and they'll forget all about you, lol.

smock4fun said...

Gretchen...it's a blog. It's not your best friend telling you things about your thoughts. Very seldom do I log onto blogs...b/c I'm consumed w/ my family. I'm not sure how folks do/keep up/read/participate in blogs and keep their family going!! Blogging friends ...are not real friends. They are "virtual" friends. Somtimes our feelings get hurt by our real friends...not your "virtual" friends.

smock4fun said...

I fogot one more thing.. One thing I tell w/ my girls when they are "sad", "hurt"...is "Put your big girl panties on...and deal w/ it!! Life is not fair...and it's hurtful". So...those might be some good thoughts for you too!!

JadeLD said...

Sorry to hear this - I hope you don't shut your blog down.

This is your blog and it's for you to express your opinions. I'm sorry to hear that some people aren't mature enough to appreciate that different people have different opinions.

Hope you have lots of positive parts to your day today!
Jade

Miss Lisa said...

Hey Gretchen!
It's Lisa from the now gone blog verybusymomwith4. Please don't let the comments get to you. I looked at a few and they are just angry.
This is YOUR blog, YOUR house. YOU can speak what you feel.
I do remember when I first 'came out' as a conservative me readership dropped. On Twitter, people I thought were friends dropped me. So much for tolerance huh?
Anyway-I think you love blogging. Don't let the meanies win. Keep posting your pics and sharing your thoughts.
And smile. You are wonderful!
(hugs)

Bridgett said...

My pastor reads your blog on occasion, I think when you comment on mine, he jumps over to see. He asked me one time how I knew you, and I said we met online, that you'd found my blog because of the St. Louis connection, etc., anyway, he said, "She's like, the conservative mirror image of you." And he was right, he meant it but also meant it in a light-hearted way. I thought about that--and you are. We both have kids of similar ages and like photography and do girl scouts and get frustrated and have good ideas and lots of opinions and so on. And that's why I keep reading--yes, we disagree on several things, but it is kind of a mirror. Your beliefs and opinions on homosexuality or Catholicism or church in general or politics don't match mine--but at the same time, so much does, that it's good for me to read because it reminds me that people can cross into each other's territories without being identical. And not just superficially. Not just "we both like photography", but also "we both deeply care about education and what our children are exposed to and how that happens in reality vs. our ideal image in our heads." I find it fascinating because usually I DON'T mix with folks who aren't very very similar to me in their political and religious stances. Everyone I know is white, Catholic, liberal, urban, with kids--in fact, most are all those things, or at least 4 of them. You are two of them. And that takes me out of my comfort zone but at the same time reminds me that not sharing everything alike with me doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is there are reasons I didn't comment on the post you put up at that other site. I know that you know what I think. I don't agree with what you said, and I feel like I'm pretty grounded in how I believe, but in a more public forum like that blog, well, I guess it's the difference between talking around somebody's kitchen table and getting up at a rally. Kitchen tables are where understanding happens, not at rallies. This blog is your kitchen table. The people who come here, even if they disagree on this or that point, they know you in a different way than someone at a rally does. My advice would be, don't take what happened there and think it's the same here.

Emily said...

Don't let the bullying get to you!!! I know it's hard. People don't like to hear the truth. It's hard to hear it and hard to speak it. You're doing both. You're doing the right thing. Hang in there girl!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Smock4Fun - I know that life is hurtful and unfair sometimes. That's why I decided to write about my feelings here. It's my blog, my feelings. Sometimes I'm happy and I write about that too. Sometimes I'm angry and I write about that. I appreciate your advice for me to put my big-girl panties on and keep going, but I don't think that just because I'm a big girl it means I don't get to feel sad and reflect on it a bit. And if you've seen some of the hate flung my way on other blogs, then you'll understand I'm not just pouting or weepy. I am scared to face these people in real life, which IS going to happen very soon.

ThePeachy1 said...

This is my 4th attempt to leave a comment, blogger hates me today. So I sent you an email.

HaB said...

I only have one thought to share with you:

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" Albert Einstein

Sarah said...

{{{HUGS}}}

I hope you don't go away. I love your blog, your honesty. It's a sad world that people can't be open and respectful towards others.

Don't let them bully you away. You rock...even when I don't agree with you ;)

Crystal said...

NOOOO. Now that I've found you, you can't go anywhere! I've appreciated you (in the short amount of time I've known you). You offered help quickly when I was frustrated and I truly appreciate it.

Crystal
http://survivingandthrivinginmom-dom.blogspot.com

Frogs in my formula said...

Omigosh you can't stop blogging. You make me laugh out loud. This will pass. Take a week off if you need to but you must come back!

Did I mention you make me laugh??

Aunt Crazy said...

Ahhhh don't let them get to you. Stand firm in YOUR beliefs and YOUR way of raising YOUR family. Agreeing to disagree is a way of life and being supportive of one another even though we do things differently is a hard lesson to learn.

Stick around, keep blogging, Aunt Crazy would miss you if you were gone!

Kirby said...

Oh no you can't go anywhere! Blogging is all about what you think, how you feel, your opinions, your family, and your life! Everyone is entitled to say what they want whenever they want. If they don't like it they need to quit being nosy and reading your blog because obviously they have nothing better to do!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Hang strong and tough. This is your space and last time I read we all still have the right to free speech. I may not agree with what you say, as you may not agree with what I say.. but I will ALWAYS defend your right to say it. Always....

dddiva said...

I admire both you and Jill for the respectful and mature way you did the post, and while I agree that there are a few nasties in the bunch, for the most part even those who disagreed with you were polite and respectful about it.
My daughter was in tears because of something that happened to a friend of hers and I felt compelled to do a post on this- you are free to read it or not, naturally , but like you I hope it at least gets someone to at least give another viewpoint the consideration and respect it deserves.
I am telling you because I did use your post as a launching off point and quoted/linked you.

http://www.myloonyverse.com/2010/10/its-ok-to-be-gay-but-get-back-in-closet.html

tz said...

So I have no idea about the blog your speaking of, but I do 'hear' the hurt and sense of betrayal in this post and I so feel for you. It is amazing how people can be so horrible. I think we forget that our opinions are just those and when we come across some that are different we may feel the need to discuss our opinions as facts (and when I say we I don't actually mean we, I think I mean horrible fanatical bullies who obviously haven't thought through their responses...but that would be my opinion -- I guess :D)

I'm with the person who commented (Bridget?) that although she may feel differently about certain things then you do, it's good to hear the opinions of those you don't agree with, it either expands your own mind, or solidifies your own stance...so please keep expressing yourself!

hang in there!

Rachael said...

I'm so sorry. I don't know why people can't be civil and agree to disagree about things. I read your other post and I don't necessarily agree. BUT I still love your blog, think you're a great person and would be sad if you weren't here. I hope that helps, even if it's just a tiny bit.

Jaci said...

No assvice.

Just a big hug and the words, "Lawd, girl, I've been there. Guest posts can screw you over."

I wrote a funny (for my readers who "get" me) guest post about my view of SAHMS who stay at home until their kids hit college.

Drama! Woe! I'm a bitch! I'm evil! I'm disgusting! I'm a working mom who lets other people raise my kids! I'm selfish! I don't deserve children! I'm the worst mother EVAH!!!!

*shrug*

It blew over within two weeks. I gained lots of new subscribers and the anon-holes moved on, but yes, those two weeks had me up in arms and kind of nauseous.

For the record, I thought your post was exactly what MOST (yes MOST) mothers would think in that same situation.

If you're getting some serious hate mail that has you worried about BBC--forward them on to Tiffany at SITS. She WILL handle it and make certain that you aren't harassed at the conference.

BIG HUGS!

Sandra McNeil said...

Absolutely agree whole heartedly with the content of your well written and utterly truthful post.

Bravo to you....I admire you so much for saying what every truly concerned mother feels deep in her heart.

We are here to shield and protect our children from all that is evil and harmful to them both spiritually and emotionally.....it seems to me that you are doing a GREAT JOB.

Don't listen to those lost souls, they have nothing of worth to impart on anyone. They should be ashamed, but instead they revel in their life styles and unjust comments to you.

God bless you and your family and keep posting.....you're BRILLIANT :)