Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hey, Jealousy

This post is linked up through MamaKat's Writer's Workshop!

2. Write about a time when jealousy got the best of you.

Have you ever done something that stays with you forever? Something that you wish on everything you've got that you could forget? But of course, you can't, and every time you call it to memory it seems even worse than when it actually happened?

No, me neither.

OF COURSE I HAVE. *cough* more than once *cough*

This particular time that I'm going to tell you about involves a friend named Angie. She got married one year before I did. We were best friends in high school but we drifted apart in college. From my point of view, I was the one who tried to stay in touch with her and she was the one who was always too busy to keep our friendship going. (Maybe from her point of view she was normal and I was a stalker. who knows.) We had some contact after college but it was spotty. Whenever we got together it seemed like we were still close but we just never really kept in touch that much.

When she announced her engagement, 2 years after college, I was so excited for her! We talked about wedding plans and she mentioned who her bridesmaids were. I wasn't asked to be one of them.

Ouch. But still, I knew the girls she'd asked and I understood. Some were family, a few were close college friends she'd talked about often. I knew she had a close bond with them.

Except this one broad. I'll call her Brandi. Brandi was a roommate of Angie's for ONE summer of college. I'd never even heard Angie talk about her. I was all... what the what??? I couldn't believe Angie had asked this chick to be in her wedding over ME.

Do you see my eyes turning green yet? Here comes the embarrassing part.

After the wedding, but before the reception, I was invited over to her family's house for lunch. That's how close she and her family felt about me. I was so happy and humbled. I knew her aunts, uncles, and cousins well as I'd spent many summers of high school practically living at her house & going to her family parties with her. I ended up talking to her most friendly uncle at the party. He told me how happy Angie was that I came to the wedding and also came to the lunch. I make some comment to the effect of, "Well, I'm surprised she invited me at all. She obviously didn't want me IN the wedding."

I vomit a little in my mouth every time I think about the words I said.

How small of me. How petty. HOW INSANE. For some reason I felt that it was my place to decide who was to be in her wedding. I thought I had the good judgement to know who was a closer friend of hers. And then, I guess I had a huge brain fart and felt like it would be a good idea to tell all that to her uncle.


I called Angie on the phone and apologized all over myself. It was a year later and I was now planning my own wedding and had experienced a similar coup with two of my bridesmaids, one who felt snubbed because I didn't appoint her as maid of honor. It all became glaringly clear to me.

I was ashamed. Angie was very forgiving and never once said anything, either before or after my phone call to her. She showed a level of class that I could only view from a lower vantage point.

I shudder a little when I think about how a comment like that, made at the height of emotions, can stay with us. I wonder if Angie ever forgot it, or if her uncle did, or his wife (Angie's mom's sister, who I'm sure he told because all husbands tell their wives everything, right? RIGHT???) I wonder if, after that, upon hearing my name they always remember, "Oh yeah, remember what she said at Angie's wedding?"

Sometimes we step in it and we're wearing sandals. That stuff just doesn't go away so easily...

Texan Mama


Anonymous said...

I don't even bother with the sandals, sometimes I stomp around in it barefoot. Ugh. You were awesome to call an apologize, I'm sure that meant a lot.

Anna See said...

Wow. I've had hurt feelings and caused hurt feeling over weddings. So fraught w/ emotion. Now w/ the perspective of years and years I think we should have our sisters (if we have them) and that's it as far as attendants go. Otherwise it can be so painful. And yes, I have stepped in it before.....

The Twin Spin said...

i can see how that would be so hurtful. But I'm glad you were able to realize it and apologize for the good of your friendship.

Elaine A. said...

I think it's great that apologized. I've been on both sides of the fence and it took YEARS for an apology to come when I was on that side.

We've all done things like this. We are only human after all...

That Janie Girl said...

I'm impressed with you.


Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

To stick with your word metaphor, I think the poop stuck to your sandal only. They didn't step in it, and they have years of good memories with you.

In other words, you remember and they do not.

The uncle, should he have cared about such things, might have wondered why you weren't an attendant. He probably understood you were feeling wounded and did not gossip.

But WE do hang on to such things, don't we?

Maggie S. said...

My mouth always does stuff like that to me. And every memory is as current as my last breath. Ow.

Jennifer said...

I bet the only person that has thought about it since then is you. And that's because you are the one that learned the lesson. A hard lesson. I think it is time to forgive yourself and move on.

Bridgett said...

That's a great last statement about sandals.

My mouth is always getting me into trouble. Not interested in committing adultery, no big needs or uncontrollable desires to lead to thieving, murdering, and the ilk, like my parents just fine, but words? Always words.

Sturgmom said...

Ah, I love the last 2 lines!! So true!!

Weddings are ripe for drama, aren't they. Reading your story reminds of my own wedding-drama. Too long and boring to post here, but (long story short) I had a bmaid DROP OUT of my wedding and my feelings were immensely hurt. Which only reminded me of the time I DROPPED OUT of someone else's wedding (totally justified, of course). None of those relationships have been the same since, sadly.

And you should totally see Bridesmaids. Not with your mom or mother-in-law b/c the first scene is pretty risque, but the whole movie is HILARIOUS.

Gigi said...

We've all done it! And as someone else said, it's probably bigger in your mind than it is anyone else's mind.

But still, it's those moments that are always there in the back of your head.

Don E. Chute said...

"Write about a time when jealousy got the best of you".

Simple,[and one of the only times in my life, cough] Senior year in High Schrool...99.9/10ths sure my Girlfriend was getting affection from someone else :-(

Popped the dudes tires, he got 'air of it, we fought, I kicked his ass...

...shoulda just kicked his ass from the git-go and been done with it :-)

Aloha From Sunny South Florida!

Dumb Mom said...

You were hurt. And you apologized. That was the best you could do. I usually stomp and pout and cry and I have no intentions of growing up ever. Luckily I don't have but one friend to hurt me and she better not ever:).

misssrobin said...

I'm willing to be that he either thought nothing of it or just chalked it up to age and inexperience. Or didn't even notice (he's a man, afterall).

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It helps me today. I am going through a similar growing apart but I'm the one pulling away and she's the one throwing the fit. I hope we can get to a better place of mutual appreciation some day.